It's time...

to start over. Another year gone and this one went faster than any previous year I can remember. Some people might not think that time can speed up, but I think it can. Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe 2009 was just a bridge year. It had to happen to get us to 2010.



So, here we go. Bring on 2010. I'm ready for a new year.

The Monthly Call...

The Monthly call is when my family gets "together" on a conference call. This call includes my mom, my sisters (Heather, Kathy, Roni & Christine) and my nieces, (Val, April and Sarah). It's nice, but do you know how hard it is for NINE women to not all talk at one time? The call can get a little much after a while.

When my mom got so sick in October we all decided that we needed to start getting in touch more. My family is not a typical family and so we're not as close as other people. It's okay, it works for us though.

Anyway, it's amazing how fast this past month has gone by. Not to mention how fast this whole year has gone by.

TWO THOUSAND AND TEN in just a few days. It seems like it just turned 2000. Have I been asleep the past ten years? I think I must have been.

It's really time for me to wakeup. Seriously.

A rant

This weekend has sucked!

Dead Poets Society

DPS was on TV tonight. I only caught the last half hour of it, but it just reminded me of some really great times. And the quotes from that movie are awesome. So I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you.


John Keating: They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.


John Keating: O Captain, my Captain. Who knows where that comes from? Anybody? Not a clue? It's from a poem by Walt Whitman about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. Now in this class you can either call me Mr. Keating, or if you're slightly more daring, O Captain my Captain.


John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?


John Keating: Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.


John Keating: There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.


John Keating: I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself. Nolan: At these boys' age? Not on your life!


Neil: For the first time in my whole life, I know what I wanna do! And for the first time, I'm gonna do it! Whether my father wants me to or not! Carpe diem!


John Keating: We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you.


Dalton: [answering phone] Welton Academy, hello. Yes he is, just a moment. Mr. Nolan, it's for you. It's God. He says we should have girls at Welton.


John Keating: Language was developed for one endeavor, and that is - Mr. Anderson? Come on, are you a man or an amoeba? [pause]
John Keating: Mr. Perry?
Neil: To communicate.
John Keating: No! To woo women!


Neil: [quoting Henry David Thoreau] "I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."
Dalton: I'll second that.
Neil: "To put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."


McAllister: "Show me the heart unfettered by foolish dreams and I'll show you a happy man."
John Keating: "But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be."
McAllister: Tennyson?
John Keating: No, Keating.


John Keating: Close your eyes, close your eyes! Close 'em! Now, describe what you see.
Todd Anderson: Uh, I-I close my eyes.
John Keating: Yes.
Todd Anderson: Uh, and this image floats beside me.
John Keating: A sweaty-toothed madman.
Todd Anderson: A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.
John Keating: Oh, that's *excellent*! Now, give him action - make him do something!
Todd Anderson: H-His hands reach out and choke me.
John Keating: That's it! Wonderful, wonderful!
Todd Anderson: And all the time he's mumbling.
John Keating: What's he mumbling?
Todd Anderson: Mumbling truth.
John Keating: Yeah, yes.
Todd Anderson: Truth like-like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
John Keating: [some of the class start to laugh] Forget them, forget them! Stay with the blanket. Tell me about that blanket!
Todd Anderson: Y-Y-You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying t-to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream. [long pause then class applauds]
John Keating: Don't you forget this.


Neil: [Neil finds Todd sitting alone on the roof] Hey!
Todd Anderson: Hey.
Neil: What's going on?
Todd Anderson: Nothin'. Today's my birthday.
Neil: Is today your birthday? Happy birthday!
Todd Anderson: Thanks.
Neil: What'd you get?
Todd Anderson: [indicating the desk set lying beside him] My parents gave me this.
Neil: Isn't this the same desk set-
Todd Anderson: Yeah. Yeah, they gave me the same thing as last year.
Neil: Oh.
Todd Anderson: Oh.
Neil: Maybe they thought you needed another one.
Todd Anderson: Maybe they weren't thinking about anything at all. The funny thing is about this is, I-I didn't even like it the first time.
Neil: Todd, I think you're underestimating the value of this desk set. [He picks it up]
Neil: I mean, who would want a football or a baseball or...
Todd Anderson: Or a car.
Neil: Or a car, if they could have a desk set as wonderful as this one? I mean, if-if I were ever going to buy a desk set, twice, I would probably buy this one. Both times! In fact, its shape is... it's rather aerodynamic, isn't it? [walks to the edge of the roof]
Neil: You can feel it. This desk set wants to fly! [hands it to Todd]
Neil: Todd? The world's first unmanned flying desk set. [Todd throws it off the roof - papers fly everywhere and things crash and clatter to the ground]
Neil: Oh my! Well, I wouldn't worry. You'll get another one next year.


John Keating: Why do I stand up here? Anybody?
Dalton: To feel taller!
John Keating: No! [Dings a bell with his foot]
John Keating: Thank you for playing Mr. Dalton. I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.


John Keating: Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!


John Keating: I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF THE WORLD.


Neil: So what are you going to do? Charlie? Dalton: Damn it Neil, the name is Nuwanda.


John Keating: This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls.


Todd Anderson: [standing on his desk] Oh captain, my captain.

The Birthday Card

This is what the birthday card Heather sent to me said:



She's the one
you've known forever.
The one you go to
for honest advice
and genuine support.
The one who accepts
your quirky little habits
and understands you
in a way few others can.


She's the one
you can call at any hour-
to laugh or cry or complain...
The one whose voice has been there all along,
sharing secrets and dreams
and singing your song when
you needed to hear it most.


She's the one
who can read your mind,
hear your heart,
and love you just the way you are.
She's your lifelong friend...
but so much more.

She's your sister.

Just saying...

So my mom heard today that her youngest sister passed away last night. I was talking to her on the phone and she said that she felt like crying and I told her to go ahead and do it. She said she didn't want to cry in front of the kids. (Jesse & Kailie were at her house today). I told her that it would be fine and the kids would understand.

I think that Kailie was outside, but Jesse was sitting in the chair next to her and heard what she said. He's such an awesome kid. He'd probably hate it that I am saying this 'cuz he's 14, but he's got such a tender heart. He said to my mom after we hung up. "You can cry on my shoulder, Grandma, I don't mind." I just love that kid.

Tennessee....We're not in "Utah" anymore, Toto

Well we made it to Tennessee. The flight got pushed back for some reason so instead of leaving at 5:05, we didn't leave until 6:40 P.M. Checking in was a bit of an ordeal. Apparently Delta has some pretty ingenious ways of making extra cash. I mean it's not enough to charge you for the airplane ticket. Oh no, if you want to take clothes with you and you think that you are going to need more than just two outfits it's going to cost you extra. You can take a carry on bag, of course as long as it fits they're measurement requirements, but if you think that you might need a few more things and want to take an actual suitcase, its going to cost you $15 a bag to check it in to take a ride in the belly of the plane. Oh, and get this, it's not a one time charge, we have to pay that when we go home too, if we want to take our clothes back with us, that is. Okay, so finally we're on the plane and it was okay, as far as plane rides go. Not too much turbulence, so that was good and once I was on the plane it was fine. Not stressed or anything.

But this is when you know that you are not in Utah anymore...the plane is descending and you are looking out at the view below, it's dark and the lights shining below are pretty, but seem very sparse. Then you realize that the lower you get it's not because there aren't any lights. There are plenty of lights, it's because there are so many TREES that it blocks the light out. Trees, trees, everywhere trees!

But we landed safely and even a little earlier than expected. So that's good right. We're happy to be in Nashville, but we've still got a bit of a drive ahead of us as we are driving to Knoxville. According to Google the drive is about 2 hours and 44 minutes. Everyone is tired and bit grumpy, but hey we're here, we're excited to get on our way.

I had no problems getting the rental car, but then when we got out into the parking lot we realized it was about a half a football field away and there was no way Kathy would be able to walk that far. (She has problems w/her legs) So, poor April get left to the task of going up and getting the car.

She found it just fine, it was getting back to where we were that she ran into problems. Let's just say she got a tour of the airport before she found her way back to us about 20/25 minutes later. So then, yeah, she found us and now all we need to do is get into the car and go, right? Nope. First of all, I misunderstood where she was coming back too, so I dragged Kathy, Teegan and 130 pounds of luggage to the other side of the road and then had to drag them all back over again when April finally found her way back. Then we had to struggle to get the luggage to fit and struggle to get Kathy in the back seat and then struggle to get Teegan strapped into his seat. Finally!!! We are on our way! It's only been an hour and 15 minutes since we landed. And now we have a 2 hour and 44 minute drive ahead of us according to Google.

I made April drive. I don't if you know this, but I hate driving. I really, really hate it. And I trust April. I was the navigator and the front seat/back seat driver. April kept telling me that the car had a mind of it's own and wanted to speed and I kept telling her that she was the master and had to control it. Although Teegan didn't help with his encouragement. "Mom, go faster." "Teegan, we're already going 70." "Mom, go faster", "Teeg. we are going faster."

So we are on our way. Heading east on I-40. There are a lot of Semi trucks on the road after 1 a.m. which is actually pretty good because I-40 is a very dark road. Trees. For miles and miles and miles. 168 miles to be exact. Oh and Deer, with their eerie red glowing eyes that pop out of nowhere as cars approach. That made me a little nervous. I mean, we're going 70 down a road in the middle of a forest and there are deer on the side of the road. I'm sure there were homes and other stuff around us, but you wouldn't know it. Did I mention the Trees? Anyway, we were heading down the road, there was an exit coming up into some town with civilization and so there were more lights. Which was SO good and we're SO lucky too.

Two deer were standing on the side of the road apparently just finishing up a conversation about how to freak out the tourists, when they decided to part ways and put their evil plan into motion. One, let's call him Larry, went south and the other, let's call him Jack (short for his full name Jackass), decided to run right out in front of us. Lucky for us, all of us, we saw this little conversation and parting of ways take place and April was already slowing down. I was pushing my imaginary break on the passenger side and saying "Shit, shit, shit, shit", you know, just doing my part to help out. I guess Jack decided to live after all because he bounded off, probably laughing his evil head off, planning on his next attempt to give a tourist a heart attack.

After that, we were even more watchful and finally arrived safely in Knoxville. So, here's another clue that we're not in Utah anymore. We're not far from Heathers, it's almost 4:00 in the morning. (2:00, UT time) and all of a sudden in the middle of the road there are like a dozen raccoon. Okay, maybe there were only three, but at that time in the morning and after the whole Jack and Larry thing, you just never know what those little raccoons are going to do and who knows, there could have been a dozen hiding in the bushes on the side of the road. Not to mention they were in the middle of the road and conducting what looked like suspicious activity to me. They could have been booby-trapping the road or something. We just got there a little too soon for their full plan to take affect. But our fearless driver, April managed to defeat their evil plan and avoid them too.

So you think I'm done now, right. Nope. We're only a about a block from Heathers and guess what else they have out here. Wild rabbits. I bet you are asking yourself, "What the??" right now, but yes, I said wild rabbits. Bunny rabbits that hop around all over the place for some inexplicable reason.

By this time, I was just annoyed. I think the animal kingdom has some sort of plot against the humans of this world and I'm warning you now. Watch out for it.

Thankfully, two minutes later, we're at Heathers. It's 4:15 in the morning, Teegan is now wide awake and so are the rest of us. We woke mom up and all started talking for the next hour or so. Finally went to bed about 5:30 ish and slept until they made me get up at 10:30.

Now it's time to adjust to the time change, the humidity and just relax and enjoy the visit. Oh and watch out for more evil plots from those sneaky wildlife secret agents.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well, I'm heading to Tennessee tomorrow. I wish I was already there. I wish I didn't have to do the whole airport, airplane thing. I love traveling and going to different places, I just don't like the mode of transportation. I wish I could just blink and nod like "I dream of Jeanne" and be where I want to be.

I am looking forward to seeing Heather and Mom and everyone. I think it will be cool to see how Teegan and Logan get along. They are only 18 days apart, but from what I hear Logan is on the smaller size and Teeg is a little giant.

The other thing that I've been thinking about is that this could be the last time I see my mom. I know that sounds kind of morbid, but she is 75 years old and she's not in the best of health. I mean, she's doing good now, but you just never know. It makes me kind of sad, and seriously I pray that my mom lives another 20 years as long as they are good years for her.

I need to just be happy about the time we do get to spend together. Sometimes I think too much.

Altogether, I'm looking forward to the trip and spending time with the family.

People who use people

Just wondering if people who use other people know that they are users or is it just built into their genetic makeup? Does it comes so natural to them that they don't even know that they are doing it?

I guess I'm just as guilty because I let myself get used. I want to trust people, I believe them when they tell me something. It's only after the fact that I realize I was taken in...again. Well, I'm done.

If you are out there and you are a user and are reading this, then I'm telling you, no more. I'm done. I don't care what you need, have, don't have, want, whatever the case is, don't ask me. I'm done being used by you.

Dirge without Music

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Saying Goodbye to my Aunt

I went and saw my Aunt Flo tonight. I've been stopping by on a semi-regular basis to see her for the past two months or so. When I was a kid she lived in this very, very tiny house on 8000 West and the North side of 21st. Kennecott bought the property from her and my uncle about 10, maybe 15 years ago and destroyed it. But I see it in my minds eye every time I drive by that corner. Everyone called it The Farm. It wasn't really a farm, at least not in the full definition of the word. They had some chickens, peacocks, sheep, goats, rabbits and even pigs once in a while. My uncle Ernie was a sheep farmer and he had this old dog that was black and white and had two different color eyes. The dogs name was Blue. He was an old sheep dog and he followed my uncle everywhere he went. He was a great dog. My uncle had spent so many hours in the sun over his life time and he had such a wonderful face. All wrinkles and leather. He was a tiny, skinny man and always wore an old blue baseball cap, blue jeans, a plaid work shirt tucked into his jeans and belt to hold his pants up. If I remember correctly, his pant legs were often rolled up too. I hardly remember ever seeing him sitting inside, whenever we went over there he would be sitting outside with his legs crossed at the knee and old Blue was laying next to his feet.

My Aunt Flo is my dad's sister and my parents would go over there and sit around the kitchen table, drink gallons of coffee, smoke cigarettes and talk and talk and talk. I loved sitting there and listening to them talk about growing up and all of their kids and the "good old days" and gossip about other family members and whatever is was they were talking about. My aunt had this head of hair on her that I will always remember. She had such thick, white hair. I don't remember ever seeing her with a different hair style. On my dad's side of the family they all get this amazing white hair. As far as I'm aware, pretty much all of the kids hair turned white at a young age. I know one of my uncles had told me one time that his hair turned white at the age of 25.

Anyway, back to my aunt. She's always been one of those people that would talk to you. You know how sometimes you have older relatives and they lived by that code "Children should be seen, not heard", well she was not one of those people. She talked to us. She cared about us. She was interested in everything about us. She loved us and all kids.

The last few years I haven't seen much of her. I feel really bad about that. There are no excuses really, you know how it is, you get caught up in your life and the day to day living. You think about visiting, but then say something like, "oh, I'll go tomorrow or the next day or next week." Because even though you could go right then, you say to yourself, "I'm too tired. I need to do laundry. I don't want to miss that show on TV." or some other such nonsense and before you know it years have gone by.

The last few months Flo has been on my mind and I was driving by her house one day (because the sad truth is that she only lives about 3 miles away from me and has for the past 10 or so years) and I said to myself, I should stop. Then thought of a ton of reasons why I didn't want to stop, but then overcame them and did it. I stopped. I went and saw her and it was great. She was as happy to see me as I was to see her. She was pretty much bed ridden, on oxygen and morphine drops, but altogether she was doing good. We had a great conversation that first visit and I promised I'd be back.

And this time, I was back. I went back and saw her about every week and a half to two weeks or so and it was great. Two weeks ago I went and saw her and spent about two hours with her and we had a great time together. She had copies of some letters that my grandfather had written to his mother during the depression. Of course I had never known my grandfather, he died at a pretty young age and my own father was in his 40's when I was born. During that visit I asked "So, what's wrong with you, anyway?" She looked at me and said, "Honey, I was a smoker." Turns out she had COPD, which is like a chronic type of bronchitis and emphysema together. I asked her how old she was when she started smoking and she told me she was 13! By my calculations she had smoked for about 67 years. She quit a few years ago, but the damage was done.

During that visit I read a few of the letters out loud to her and asked if she remembered any of the things her father had written about and she did. We talked about some of those things, and sometimes we just sat quietly with each other in a companionable silence. I'll never forget those few precious hours together and will always be glad we shared that time together.

I didn't go to visit her last week, I had a terrible cold and I had planned on going this week. But during this time, Flo took a turn for the worse. One of my second-cousins had noted it on her Facebook page that she was not doing well. This made it even more important in my mind to go see her tonight. I called my sister Polli and asked her to go with me. I think that I kind of made her feel a bit guilty and really that wasn't my intent, but I didn't want to go there by myself tonight. I was a bit anxious about it.

It was so sad. She was hardly recognizable laying on her bed. She was guant and looked like she wasn't really there. But I went over to her and kissed her and told her I was there and brushed her hair a little bit away from her face. Polli and I stayed in the room with her, talking quietly to her daughter, my cousin, Dora. We were there for about an hour. Before I left I again went to my aunts bedside and kissed her again and told her I loved her. In my heart I was saying goodbye to her because I know that I will probably never see her again.

Seeing her tonight was really just a chance for me to say goodbye, it's not how I will remember her. I know that I will always have good memories of her and I'll remember her as my beloved Aunt Flo.

I'll miss her a great deal, but I know that I will always have her in my heart and I hope I'll always remember to treat other people like she treated us...with unconditional love.

I love you Aunt Flo.

Going to Knoxville

Well, I finally committed to going to Knoxville in June. Heather has been bugging the heck out of me about making up my mind and going and I was sitting on the fence about it, but I finally made the leap and bought the tickets. April, Teegan, Kathy and I are all going. Leaving on Friday night, the 12th of June and coming back on Monday the 22nd. While we are there Val is going to be graduating and Teegan is turning 3.

The things that kids say...

So, Teegan is at that age that he picks up everything that people say around him. This can be both good and bad.

April brought him over for a little while and had stopped at McDonalds and got him an Ice Cream cone prior to that. April and I were trying to fix my bed frame because the hook thing that holds the frame together was very loose. I was holding the box spring up and Teegan wanted to "help" out. April and I were ready to put the bed back together and Teegan decided to push the box spring but when he did that both April and I weren't quite expecting it and we dropped it.

April was quite annoyed and told Teeg in a saracastic voice "Thanks a lot, Teegan." To which he so happily and proudly replied "You're Welcome!"

Then we were trying to make the bed but T decided he wanted to jump on the bed instead. He'd climb up, we'd catch him and put him on the floor, where he promptly ran to a different section to get back on the bed and everytime we asked him to help us, he'd say "yeah, sure", but then just kept on jumping.

Needless to say it took a while to get the bed made. When I was done, I told Teegan, "Guess what, Teegan?" He said, "What?" I told him, "You're never, ever, ever, going to have ice cream ever again." He stopped jumping, looked at me with a funny look and said "What the hell?"

Wednesday night

So Wednesday nights you will usually find me at church. We have a Bible study service. Anyway, tonight I am watching Teegan while April goes to a concert and I took Teeg with me. I was a bit on the nervous side taking him because he's a very active 2 year old (almost 3) and I wasn't sure how he would do in that setting. When we got there, he decided he had to sit next to my friend Randi and her son Noah. He was SO good. He wanted to sing along with the rest of us and of course he needed his own song book.

Later he and Noah, Elora, Alijah and Chardonnae got to go play in the nursery. Now were are home and watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy and I for one am so glad that April decided to bring over one of her Scooby Doo videos because I'm pretty sure that the two that I have here, I've seen with Teeg at least 387 times. If I have to watch one, it's nice that it's one I haven't actaully seen before.

Anyway, this post is mostly for Heather, since she keeps bugging me to update my blog. Love ya, Heather. :-)

As the song says...

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.
I want to go far away.

Away away, I want to go far away,
away, away I want to go far away, far away.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another life, to another life.
To another shore line In another life.

Welcome to Holland

A friend of mine read this article and told me about it today and even though I'm not Mormon, I think that it really applies across the universe of singledom.

OK, we have all heard the comments; the crazy things that people say. I remember a single friend who was approached by one of her leaders, who sat her down, and with all sincerity, he told her that her future husband was probably an Ethiopian boy who had died, but would be waiting for her in the next life!

What? To my well-educated, "mover and a shaker" of a friend, this attempt at comforting left her head spinning. When she told me, we shared a good laugh; (Remember, Sister Hinckley said you either have to laugh or cry, we prefer to laugh) I thought that was probably the most bizarre thing that anyone had ever said.

She assured me it wasn't. She had a single friend, who was approached by someone who told her, "You are so brave, to have gone through this life, knowing that no one wanted you."

But wait! A couple of weeks ago, I had a friend who told me that someone she knew who wanted to empathize with her challenges of being single, shared of another friend who had cancer, and was going through the same trial. Of course she was appalled, now she was likened to the deadly disease of cancer.

Surely this doesn't even compare to some of the thoughtless comments that others have had to endure. Someone once said, "Loneliness is enduring the presence of those who don't understand." How true this is. We can feel very lonely in marriage, as a child in a large family, at a business meeting, at our own birthday celebration, or in the middle of a stadium of fans. One of our greatest needs in this life is to be understood. Unfortunately as people attempt to understand or show concern; they can say some of the most off the wall things. Certainly I have done this myself.

I love the Italy/Holland analogy.

Most of us are raised thinking we will be going to Italy, (figuratively speaking) getting married to someone who adores you, having a beautiful family, healthy and obedient children, owning a home and living happily ever after. We spend our early life preparing for Italy, we pack our bags for Italy, we learn the language and customs of Italy, we see pictures of Italy, and we are schooled constantly for Italy. We are excited for the future and all it will bring.

Then for some of us, in mid air, the flight attendant announces there have been a change of plans and we will soon be landing in Holland! Wait, we want to go to Italy. We didn't pack for Holland; we don't know the language or the customs of Holland. We haven't even seen a picture of Holland. In fact we don't know the first thing about Holland. Most of our friends are on the plane to Italy, we want to be with them. But our plane is set to land; before we know it we are in Holland.

Of course Holland is beautiful too, it has the tulips, the windmills, friendly people, truly a character of its own, but we just didn't plan to live there. Over time, we come to appreciate all that Holland has to offer, we even find great joy in Holland. However we still mingle with our friends who are living in Italy. They are living in the country where we thought we would be; this can be difficult for us at times. Many of them have never been to Holland. They don't speak our language, or know our customs, or understand us. Occasionally there are difficult and awkward times when we get together.

Both countries are beautiful, and offer so much joy. It can be difficult however, to understand the customs of one, while you are living in the other. So in our effort to connect, and relate, we might say insensitive things, lending to a very real feeling of loneliness.

As one who has lived in Holland most of my life, I have come to appreciate and even love this place. Perhaps that is why tulips are my favorite flower. It is in Holland that I have gained understanding, perspective, a testimony, discipline, gratitude, and a deep love for my Heavenly Father. It is also here that I have found most of my heroes who have inspired me with their strength and commitment. It is here that I have found people who understand, and love unconditionally. As much as I still want to go to Italy, part of me will be forever in Holland.

As I get older, I am finding that more and more of my friends are coming to live in Holland; life is not going as they expected. I love being a tour guide, and showing them the beauty of this place, watching them as they adapt and grow, and introducing them to some of the most amazing people.

Wherever we live at this time, in Italy or Holland, may we try to understand one another, offering unending mercy, and love; you just never know when the flight attendant will say, "Welcome to Holland."


Living the Unexpected Life: Holland or Italy?

By Becky Thomas
For Mormon Times
Sunday, Feb. 08, 2009

What Win I?

'What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buys a minute's mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?
Or what fond beggar, but to touch the crown,
Would with the sceptre straight be strucken down?

Who writes fortune cookies?

I got one that said "Soon a short stranger will enter your life." Who comes up with these things? A SHORT stranger? Why not a fat stranger or a tall stranger and a bald stranger? And how soon? And WHY? Why would I want or need a SHORT STRANGER (SS) in my life? What is this SS going to be doing in my life? Is he or she always going to be a stranger or will they only be a stranger only for a little while? The thing about fortune cookies is that they are supposed to be vague right, but this one isn't exactly following the rules, is it. It didn't say 'Soon a stranger will enter your life', which would not make me question it at all. A stranger could be a person you meet at the store or gas station. But here's the thing, they said a SHORT stranger, which makes it a bit more detailed. Anyway, it just cracked me up. And when I say it cracked me up, I'm not exactly sure if I mean it cracked me up as in "made me laugh' or it cracked me up as in "made me crazy." Maybe a little bit of both.

Now how's this for crazy...

Every time I think of short people I think of the Randy Newman song that goes:

Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live
They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin great big lies
They got little noses

And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
Well, I dont want no short people
Dont want no short people
Dont want no short people`round here
Short people are just the same
As you and i(a fool such as I)
All men are
the day they die (its a wonderful world)
Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
Theyre gonna get you every time
Well, I dont want no short people

Dont want no short people
Dont want no short people round here

If you want to hear the song for yourself, listen to track number 108 on my playlist below.

Our very own Leprechaun...

This is Mikey. Today he's a leprechaun. You should see him on national pirates day in September. He's not quite normal, but he's dang funny. And he breaks up the monotony of the day.

Friday Night

A friend from work told me last week that she was going to be in a play and asked if I'd want to come. Of course I told her yes! She has never done anything like this before and she was VERY nervous. The play was done for Black History month and it was about Phillis Wheatlely. It was at the Rose Wagner Theatre. Debbie goes to a local church and I think that the people that were in the play were all from her church. No professionals, but you would never know it. Deb has an AMAZING voice and she did the best job! Seriously, you'd never know that she hadn't acted before. In fact all of them did a fantastic job. The music was devine and it was just a nice night all together.

A reminder of what being a donor can do...

One of my cousins recently passed away due to some complications from surgery. She was only 34 years old. Her sister just posted this letter that her family got from Life Center Northwest about the organs that were donated as result of Nicia's death. While her death is very sad and shocking, reading the letter below reminds me of how even at such a sad time, God can bless us by turning a bad situation into something good.

The Letter to Nicia's parents, husband and family:

We are so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Nicia. her"gift of life" to others has had an enormous impact on so many people, and we acknowledge and thank you for assisting us in making organ donation happen. Your wife's gift of life to others has impacted not just the lives of the recipient, but their families and friends as well. I would like to share some information about those recipients. Nicia's right kidney was transplanted into a 19 year old woman from Washington. She is looking forward to going back to school to study graphic design and computers. She is also looking forward to getting back to work as an associate at a large craft outlet. Her left kidney and pancreas were transplanted into a 41 year old man from Alaska. He is unmarried and disabled due to diabetes. His goals are to be independent and live on his own. He is very grateful for the freedom this transplant will bring him. Nicia's liver was split and transplanted into two recipient: the first is a 50 year old woman from Washington. She is married with 2 children. She is retired and looking forward to returning home. The second recipient is a 1 year old boy from Montana. The toddler lives with his parents. They are looking forward to their son having the opportunity to grow up and enjoy everyday "toddler" activities. Both of Nicia's lungs were transplanted into a 25 year old woman from Washington. She is single and is looking froward to returning to work in the computer software industry. She is very grateful for the opportunity for an extended "normal" life. Nicia's heart was transplanted into a 35 year old married man from Washington. He is interested in computers and karaoke. He would like to return to full time employment as a computer tech once he has recovered from surgery. This recipient and his family are very honored for this chance. Stories of others good fortune will not take away the loss you feel, but we hope that it will be of some consolation to know that even after Nicia's death, she was able to help others. It was such an honor for our staff and the hospital staff to spend time with your family at the hospital. On behalf of these recipients, their families and all those involved in organ donation and transplantation, thank you again.

It was a dark and stormy night...

Truely, it is a dark and stormy night tonight and everytime I think of that phrase I immediately think of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest. If you are ever bored and want a laugh, I am telling you that you need to check this out. The contest is pretty simple. People write the opening sentence to the "worst of all possible novels." The contest was started by a guy named Professor Scott Rice, who was supposed to write a paper on a Victorian novelist for some reason. Anyway, he chose a guy named Edward George Bulwer-Lytton and after reading some of his stuff he ended up starting the contest.

Now you might think that you don't know who this guy is, but I am positive that even though you might not know his name, you know his work. Some of the phrases he's coined are "the pen is mightier than the sword," "the great unwashed," and "the almighty dollar," not to mention, "It was a dark and stormy night."

Here is the entire first paragraph of his book "Paul Clifford":

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, (1830)

Here are some of the past winners:

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
--Patricia E. Presutti, Lewiston, New York (1986 Winner)

****
Professor Frobisher couldn't believe he had missed seeing it for so long--it was, after all, right there under his nose--but in all his years of research into the intricate and mysterious ways of the universe, he had never noticed that the freckles on his upper lip, just below and to the left of the nostril, partially hidden until now by a hairy mole he had just removed a week before, exactly matched the pattern of the stars in the Pleides, down to the angry red zit that had just popped up where he and his colleagues had only today discovered an exploding nova.
--Ray C. Gainey, Indianapolis, Indiana (1989 Winner)

****
Dolores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping across smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, due to an overdose of fluoride as a child which caused her to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred-pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center.
--Linda Vernon, Newark, California (1990 Winner)

****
Paul Revere had just discovered that someone in Boston was a spy for the British, and when he saw the young woman believed to be the spy's girlfriend in an Italian restaurant he said to the waiter, "Hold the spumoni--I'm going to follow the chick an' catch a Tory."
--John L. Ashman, Houston, Texas (1995 Winner)

****
Joanne watched her fellow passengers - a wizened man reading about alchemy; an oversized bearded man-child; a haunted, bespectacled young man with a scar; and a gaggle of private school children who chatted ceaselessly about Latin and flying around the hockey pitch and the two-faced teacher who they thought was a witch - there was a story here, she decided.
Tim EllisHaslemere, U.K. 2008

****
I'm convinced that the Doc is dealing drugs to most of the mining crew because they either can't stay awake, constantly sneeze, grin like maniacs, or won't look you straight in the eye (not to mention behaving like a moron) and they wonder why a dwarf gets grumpy!
Neil ProwdCharnwood, ACT, Australia 2008

Those are just a few of the selections that you can pass your time reading and enjoying. Check it out sometime: www.bulwer-lytton.com

Who brings home the big bucks??

I'll tell you who.. Dentists! Seriously, if you want to make some money, that is the job for you. I've been helping mine pay for his kids to go to college this year! Let me tell you, they are getting a darn good education thanks to me and my rapidly dwindling savings account! Nice of me, huh.

Dead Poets Society

I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.



So I am watching Dead Poets Society on TV right now and I can't help but be amazed at the timing of it. This movie was put out in 1989 and it was fantastic. I remember watching this movie several times with Cari and Cami and some other friends from high school and it touched us so much that we created our own DPS group. This movie spoke to us. And now, after a very, very long time I am going to get together with some of these girls tomorrow. I think it just means that life is going the way it's supposed to go.

Some Engrish pictures to enjoy

Morning Talkers

I do not understand how certain people can be so darn talkative at the butt crack of dawn??? You probably won’t believe this, but April falls into this category. I’ve been picking her up and taking her to work for the past few weeks while her car is being worked on and she gets in the car and is blissfully silently for about 2 minutes, but then we get to the top of her street and turn the corner and it’s like the vocal cord switch has been turned on. And she always says “You know what I mean” after she tells me something. I think to myself, “well, yes I do know what you mean as you just spent the last seven minutes explaining to me what you mean.” Usually, I respond out loud to her by say “mmm, hmmm” as unenthusiastically as I can.

She’s not the only one with this disease. A couple of people at work have the same problem. I come in, sit down at my desk and invariably I get Ruth turning around and saying “Good Morning, Heidi. How are you doing today?” or “Are you ready for the day” or some such ridiculous question asked in a cheerful voice that makes me cringe. One girl doesn’t actually talk to me in the morning, (Thank the Lord!) but she talks to everyone else about her previous night, or conversations with her husband or dog or mother, or about how she has one plant that she’s had since she got married and that it just keeps growing and growing and growing and it’s just taking over her house. And she always has a story that can “Top” anyone else’s story. UGH. Stop please!! Just stop!

At least wait until 9:30 (or 1:00) before you turn on the sunshine.

(It's kind of hard to read the award, but it says "Most likely to be sunny and cheerful in the morning....Not!)

ALL I CAN SAY IS TGIF!!!!

French Class

I took French in high school because I thought it would be fun to learn to a different language and I liked the sound of the language. High school French was pretty good for a while, but then we got a new teacher. She was in training to teach and our regular teacher just let her take over the class. Now normally this probably would not be a big deal, but this women just happened to be from a different country originally and I could not understand her when she spoke in English, let alone in French. I ended up failing the class. Well, I probably would have passed (maybe) had I taken the final, but instead I decided I wanted to go to Colorado at the last minute with my mom and sisters. They were going out there to visit another sister of mine. So I never took the final and failed the class. Over the years though, French has always been on my mind and I've used a few phrases over the years. (Mostly swear words.)

Well, anyway a friend of mine, Suzanne, has always wanted to learn French too. She loves Paris and her daughter took French in high school as well. We were talking one day about doing something different this year to get through the dark days of winter and I had just received one of those community education magazines in the mail. They had a French class in there and I told Suz about it and we signed up a few days later. I'm loving it, but I'm no spring chicken anymore and my brain does not retain information like it used too, so it's harder in some ways than I thought it would be. I've decided that it's good for me though. It helps exercise my brain and helps it to focus on something other than the exciting world of life insurance.

I really like the teacher. His name is George. I'd tell you his last name, but there are a lot of letters and I'm not sure what order they all go in. It's not Smith, that's for sure. George is probably in his late 50's, maybe in his early 60's and has lots of cute stories, some French related and others not so much. He also likes to tell jokes. Most of the other people give polite little hiccups of chuckles. I usually laugh out loud at them. But that's because I love lame jokes. Probably because it's the only kind I remember. Oh well. It amuses me, I don't care what other people think.

There are about 10 or 11 people in the class. All of them are there for different reasons. One guy is from Spain and wants to learn French so that he can move to Canada one day. Another girl is from Portugal and wants to learn a third language. One guy, we'll call him Book Boy, already seems to know the language so I'm not sure why he's there. (Side note: We call him Book Boy because Suz and I ran into him at Barnes and Noble one day and we don't know his real name.) There is a married couple in there that signed up and call it their "date" night. Which is nice, except the husband travels so much that he's only been to two of the four classes so far. The two people who annoy me the most in the class are as different as night and day. One women, we'll call her "I've been to France once and think that I know the country better than the French people do" or "Miss Smarty pants" for short, is always talking and making comments about places she's been to in France as if she is the only person in Utah who has ever been there. Apparently her husband speaks the language fluently so she decided that she should learn it. They've been married for probably 30 or 40 years and she's just now deciding she wants to learn it?? Why hasn't her husband taught her? My opinion is probably because if she doesn't know the language, then she doesn't know when he tells other people how his wife is an annoying, obnoxious know it all. Shut the front door, already!!

The other girl that annoys me is this girl who is probably in her late 20's, early 30's. She doesn't seem to even want to be there and she comes in late every class. She's also got this air about her that she's just too good for other people. She acts like she knows it all, but when she's asked to say something out loud, she never gets it right. And she's rude to George sometimes. She makes snarky remarks to him. If she's not there to learn, then why the heck is she there? Suz and I call her Snot Face.

Can't wait till the next class!

Teegan's Chin

When Teegan was a baby, he had very interesting features. His nose was big and his chin kind of stuck out. I'm not saying he was ugly, he was just interesting. Anyway, everytime I saw him, I'd grab his chin and say "My chin" to him. Or I'd ask him, "Can I have my chin?" and then I'd kind of grab it. Well now that he's two and a half he has a mind of his own, not surprisingly, and now when I see him I'll ask him if I can have his chin and most of the time he'll cover it with both of his hands and say "No, my chin." Well, this morning when I was dropping him off at daycare for his mother I was unbuckling him to get him out of his safety chair and he looked at me and said "Heidi, you have my chin?" I said, "Can I have it?" He said, "Yeah", shaking his head yes. Oh, it just made me smile and my heart melted. I love that kid.

Well, it's been a while since my last blog and I'll tell you why...

It's because I've been too lazy to keep it up, that's why. But I'm going to try to make an effort to start updating a bit more. I do have tons of stories to put down. I just need to do it. But guess what. Tonight is not the night. It's after Ten and I need to hit the hay. Which is a weird saying and I will look up the origin of it tomorrow...